


After the Finish Line

by berserkerpiemachine, Enzuri



Category: Homestuck
Genre: AU, Blackrom, Multi, Species Swap, after the game, lalondecest, redrom
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-07-05
Updated: 2013-07-31
Packaged: 2017-12-17 17:56:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 18,333
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/870324
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/berserkerpiemachine/pseuds/berserkerpiemachine, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Enzuri/pseuds/Enzuri
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Your name is Dave Strider and you are sure as fuck still a cool kid, no matter what body you have. </p>
<p>You remember ending the game, actually winning the damn thing and then some explosion or something that knocked you out.</p>
<p>Waking up as a wriggler grub thing or whatever sucked major ass though. You weren't done with your human self yet but apparently reset couldn't give two fucks about that.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Be The Cool Kid No Matter What

**Author's Note:**

> (( Note from Syncro: I sincerely apologize to any current readers, but I'm afraid this will be put on an indefinite hiatus, due to circumstances beyond our control. Hopefully, things will get straightened out, and we'll be able to continue writing. Thank you for your patience. ))
> 
> (So I've been writing a series that started off as just some fluff and quickly turned into something more epic in my head. So this is like a retelling of it. Because its become a hopefully big project the wonnnnnderful Syncro is going to be working with me on this one :D Its a species swap after the game. This is the first big fanfiction project I've ever taken on so I hope everyone enjoys it~!)

Your name is Dave Strider and you are sure as fuck still a cool kid, no matter what body you have.

You remember ending the game, actually winning the damn thing and then some explosion or something that knocked you out.

Waking up as a wriggler grub thing or whatever sucked major ass though. You weren't done with your human self yet but apparently reset couldn't give two fucks about that. So your reward for beating the damn game is to wake up in some caves and these must be the trails that Karkat was always whining about. First thing you do is look for everyone else but John's the only one you find. Probably a good thing too because even though he's some freakishly strong thing, he's still enough of a dope that he was likely to get himself killed or culled or something without your help.

It doesn't take that many sweeps for you and Egbert to get a hold of the girls though. You're all kind of spread out on this stupid hemospectrum thing which is kind of good you guess since it turns out you're at the very bottom with your maroon blood and you need them to bail you out of things more often than not. On the plus side you have the ability to move things with your mind, the downside is you have to hear the voices of the dead or something. Specifically your past dead selves because they weren't wiped out with the reset which is bullshit but whatever, you learn to tune them out eventually. Fighting with your stupid bird lusus thing helps. Man, that guy is a feathery asshole.

Jade's the next lowest to you, olive or something. Basically she looks exactly like she did at the reset, even her horns are in the shape of dog ears which was nice to see because at least something felt sort of normal. Her weird lusus is basically like Beq and its pretty clear to you all that she's had the easiest time adjusting to all of this.

Then John, he's blue like that weird ass troll that rapped at you about hoofbeasts or something that one time. The one that you thought was the best but turned out he was the worst. He's even strong like that weirdo was. He has the hardest time learning to live with his lusus because it kind of reminds him of jesters or clowns or something and it makes him flip out every so often. It probably doesn't help that it seems to bake him cakes a lot which reminds him of his dad which leads to him crying and you all have to settle him down. Its stuff like that, that makes the random trolls you meet think that the four of you are in some kinky four way pale romance. Fucking quadrants are still confusing as hell. They're probably right though, there's something different about how you feel about them all now.

Last and highest in the caste is Rose, she's a seadweller or something. You're not really sure but she still talks to the horror terrors, or claims to and that's all you want to know because really, you want to put Derse and Skaia behind you. Rose claims you're in denial, you just say her octopus cat lusus thing messed her up in the head almost as badly as her absent mom did.

You and Rose both decide to keep searching, even after the four of you are reunited. After all it would make sense of the trolls ended up here too, if all of you were just reset back into one world. It's sweeps later when you both realize they didn't end up here. You're not sure if that's because you weren't all a part of the same session or what but you're kind of upset by that. Turns out you wouldn't mind some Karkat story time now that you're stuck like this.

Then, one night, when you're not quite nine sweeps old, you find them by accident. Well, maybe it's not so much by accident. You were emailed a link by some troll that you're pretty sure is actually your Bro or Dirk or whatever, all that time shit was so confusing and you're glad to be out of it. Anyway, it's some link that sends you to a program that accesses Earth's internet. Google, Youtube, all of it. You know that your paradox family is here with you on Alternia but you try not to think about it too much, they keep to themselves for the most part. Actually all of you have pretty strained relationships except John and Jane. Those two bonded over their mutual feelings of loss over their dad. The rest of you all had pretty lousy relationships with your respective paradox selves so it makes everything kind of stupid.

You spend more time fucking around on Youtube than you care to admit to before you start actually scoping it out. Everything seems basically the same as when you left it except the blogs and websites you all kept are gone. Well they seem gone, when you do some digging in the 'deep web' you find that most of your sites still exist they're just super hard to get to and can't be searched. It's like there's still an imprint of you and your friends on Earth but its all been torn from the public eye.

You spend an unhealthy amount of time on the internet, surfing around doing nothing but reliving the old days until you find a blog. Not just any blog, its clearly run by Karkat. There's no way it's not, everything is shouted at the reader and its full of his usual rage. Well that's not the only clue you have, the thing talks about Alternia and trolls and is basically screaming for attention. You troll Rose about it, sending her the link. You both decide to keep this to yourselves. It's you who suggests keeping it from John, just because the dude still has a hard time sometimes, with not being human, you don't want to upset him by letting him know that apparently your troll buddies are all squishy humans now. It's Rose who wants to keep it from Jade. You don't really know why but you won't fight with her on that point.

Things have been kind of odd between them lately.

You guys have always been some messed up version of moirailegence but the two of them have been at odds. You'd say they fight like cats and dogs but you can't figure out if that phrase is ironic enough considering they were raised by the troll monster versions of those animals. Either way they are fighting a lot more and you're not entirely certain that they're not on the edge of, what's the term again? Kismesistude or something. You're not going to get yourself into the middle of that, you're not looking to be a part of anyone's quadrants really.

Most of that feeling is because troll emotions are kind of fucked up, and you hate the way they take over sometimes. It's like nothing you've ever experienced before. Sometimes they just take over everything and you make a fool of yourself and that won't do because you are supposed to be the cool one.

Like right now, you've been keeping tabs of what Karkat's been up to online and you're getting really frustrated. If you haven't contacted him yet, what makes him think any of you want to? You mean, yeah you did spend three years on a meteor with the guy, and he'd turned out to be not so bad but right now you just can't put up with his bullshit. If he was here right now, lecturing you about the quadrants or about how stupid someone or another was for some small reason you would probably punch him in the face. And then maybe shut him up with your mouth.  
Oh.

Fuck. You know what this is. You've heard enough rants and discussions from both Karkat and Kanaya to know what this feeling is. You hate him. You hate him and it's not platonic, and he just sets your teeth on edge. You continue to keep tabs on him even though every time he updates anything you want to just point out how wrong he is to get him worked into a fluster. God this is weird, thinking about how hot it makes you to remember his flailing limbs and gnashing teeth and wishing they were tearing into your skin. You keep it to yourself because really you don't want to listen to John teasing you about it and Rose analyzing what it means for your subconscious or something.  
Whatever.

You plan on never messaging him ever, from the bits and pieces you've gathered from his blogs and everyone else's, their lives aren't going too horribly and really there has to be a reason you were all separated like this. Right? Let them enjoy life without fear of culling or whatever. You'd never admit it but you are jealous. You really weren't done with life as a human and here they are getting to live it up like you never got to. On the plus side school is not a thing really and you have a lot more time for your hobbies. Too bad your new biggest hobby is stalking Karkat online.

One night, or maybe day by now you've been watching skateboard trick videos and you're not sure what the time is anymore, you get a bright pink message. You're not sure what Roxy is doing messaging you. You know that she's the friendliest of the other group and you've humoured her a few times but really its been more than a perigee since she's bothered.

You wonder if she eats the sopor slime or something because she always seems like she's trashed. How anyone with so many typos was able to code like she was you'd never know. It takes you a minute of deciphering to realize she's babbling about something she found locked away by someone else in her caste ages and ages ago. She's a seadweller too, but she's even higher than Rose. You are not looking forward to the day when Roxy takes over the throne because honestly you question her ability to be serious about anything.

She's asking you to send the thing she found to Rose since Rose is always cold towards her. You've explained countless times that she's not really cold, just too smart for her own good, but still Roxy insists that you need to give it to Rose for her. You agree and she sends the file and you nearly throw your husk top out of the window because no. You don't want to have any part of this and you inform her future pain in the ass of that. She tells you that there's no choice, that you're all going to have to do this again because it was foretold. The horror terrors won't stop whispering about it and Roxy is determined to see you all live through it again.

Sburb. Sgrub. Whatever. You stare at it for a long, long time before you tell Rose about it. She's quiet for a while before she agrees with Roxy. She thinks that there's no way for you all to escape playing the game. If it exists it has to be for a reason and the horror terrors have been murmuring about meteors. Well fuck. No, you don't want this. You don't need this. You don't say anything about that to her. When she asks if you're in you just say sure like you're shrugging it off.

It's after a long discussion that she agrees to be the one to break it to Jade and John. You raise an eyebrow above one of you dark lenses because she seems way too excited for the argument that it probably going to break out over this. You sign off so that you can avoid her long winded explanation if you bring it up, but you don't get off the computer. Instead, you stare at the last blog entry Karkat wrote. It's at least three perigee old, maybe he's finally stopped trying to reach you guys.

You wiggle your fingers over your keyboard for a minute before you pull up your e-mail and jot in his address. You have a lot to tell him, mostly about the game and how you'll be playing again and he should too, and how you finally understand the trials and all of that, but for a guy who is usually a master wordsmith, you can't figure out how to begin. In the end, you send the shortest message ever.  
From: turntechgodhead@hivemail.alt

Subject: Hey Karkles

Message: <3<


	2. Be The Angry Short One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Your name is Karkat Vantas and being a human sucks almost more than you thought it would.
> 
> You'd not been expecting this when you won the game. You mean, you knew that it was basically acting like some sort of reset for your universes, or creating new universes like your old universes, or something like that. All this shit was fucking complicated. Either way, when you finally reached the end you expected to end up on Alternia or whatever it would be called; not Earth. But no, when you opened your eyes, you were some horrifying little ape wriggler who couldn't do anything but cry and shit. How any humans survived was beyond you. Plus parents were weird as fuck. Basically lusus who could actually speak and communicate, and you're actually reliant upon them. Ugh.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Enzuri again~! Have some Karkat. There's a few introductions to get to before the story really gets good, I'm sorry guys. I hope you're enjoying it so far.)

Your name is Karkat Vantas and being a human sucks almost more than you thought it would.

You'd not been expecting this when you won the game. You mean, you knew that it was basically acting like some sort of reset for your universes, or creating new universes like your old universes, or something like that. All this shit was fucking complicated. Either way, when you finally reached the end you expected to end up on Alternia or whatever it would be called; not Earth. But no, when you opened your eyes, you were some horrifying little ape wriggler who couldn't do anything but cry and shit. How any humans survived was beyond you. Plus parents were weird as fuck. Basically lusus who could actually speak and communicate, and you're actually reliant upon them. Ugh.

Maybe these human parents aren't so bad but you miss Crabdad. In his memory, you get one of those little crabs that have the colourful shells, actually you collect them, and by the time you're in high school you have about four of them, all with different coloured shells. Sometimes Gamzee likes to come over just to watch them, and he calls them little miracles. You wish the reset had stopped him from spouting that nonsense but you can't always get what you want right? Except in this case you didn't get anything you wanted.

Well, that's not true. You find most of your friends again. Gamzee apparently ended up in your town because you end up in school with him right from the get go and that turns out to be a challenge because you have to tell him what you learned very early on, not to talk about Alternia or trolls or any of that stuff. It's hard because he doesn't always remember. When you find Terezi online you almost cry because she's still crazy but at least she is someone else to talk to about how much these human emotions suck and how wimpy you all feel now. She's got something called synesthesia which just means that she keeps talking about how she can taste colours or something, you don't even know. She could just be bullshitting you, you have no idea she lives in a whole other country across the sea. She's legally blind though, fucked up her eyes doing some stupid dare that Vriska put on her.

Man are you ever glad Vriska didn't end up near you. Terezi also announces when Feferi and Eridan start going to her school. You're glad someone is there to keep an eye on those guys. But its with Tavros and Sollux's arrival on your end, and chatting with Kanaya through a forum that you figure out that those of you that didn't make it to the finish line still alive don't remember anything about the past. Sollux is almost entirely off his rocker some days because he can't seem to remember what's real and what's not, and you have to walk a fine line with how much you indulge him because one day he'll be shooting the shit with you about a dream he had about game grubs and the next he's scoffing at you about the quadrants. It's disheartening to think that only five of you can remember your old life clearly.

Your start looking for Egbert and Strider and the rest of them because if you're on Earth, shouldn't they be too? You hunt around everywhere online for them; you even try looking up Dave's stupid ass comic, but you don't find anything. Nothing in the forums for shitty movies either. You'd spend more time searching, but Feferi and Eridan transfer from wherever the fuck Terezi was into your school and that flips some sort of asshole switch in Sollux's head and you have to spend a ton of time just mediating between them. You's feel like some sort auspistice or something, except sometimes you catch Eridan staring at you with eyes that would be so red if you were still a troll. You're not sure what to do about it because frankly, being a human has mellowed him out and you're starting to regret telling him that things would never work out between the two of you. Not that he remembers any of it.

When high school ends, you apply to the same program that Sollux does for university, and tell him it's because you are clearly meant to be a coding genius but really you just want to keep an eye on the guy, because even though it's been three years since his last big freak out, you just want to be sure that it stays that way. Sometimes you catch him squinting at things like he thinks he can make them move like he could as a troll. That's one thing you're thankful for, that you didn't have any powers to be missing in your short human body. You even room with him, just off of campus, his parents seem pretty pleased that you're willing to live with the hacker which makes you a little uncomfortable. You aren't used to gratitude.

In one of your required humanities class that you run into Nepeta. She's just as bubbly as always and you're not that surprised to find that she and Equius met summers ago and that they're best friends, despite having almost no common interests. If ever there was a moirailegiance to last throughout a species change it would be theirs. What you aren't happy to see has lasted is her crush on you because you're dreading the day when you have to turn her down and she isn't exactly subtle about her crush. Well, you're still glad to see her because it means you've managed to find all of your friends since Aradia has been in contact with Feferi. Now, if only you could figure out what happened to the humans. The original humans that is.

You've got more than one blog going in the hopes that one of them will find you, but once classes start you kind of abandon them. After all, you're starting to think that maybe they didn't make it. You throw a party to try and forget about it but that was a bad idea because Eridan ends up hooking up with Sollux and you can hear them all night. It leaves your stomach in knots because fuck, now you're realizing that if could have worked between you two because you want nothing more than to break down Sollux's door and take Eridan away from him. Which is weird because whatever they've got going on is clearly black and you want red, but human emotion is strange and you're stuck feeling jealous long after Eridan leaves the next day.

You could kill Sollux. He said something to Eridan about trolls or something because now the whiny hipster is pestering you about it. Turns out he dreams about Alternia and Derse still, they're more intense when he's around one of you. And one of those dreams mentioned the pact and fuck, you don't want to deal with this. You don't know if you can deal with this. You start ignoring him which just makes you feel more like shit but you're trying to put it all behind you because Sgrub was the biggest mistake of your life.

Feferi is mad at Eridan, who's her step brother or something, human families are too complicated, but she still messages you when it sounds like things are getting bad. He's been kicked out by her mom and apparently he's not been answering anyone's calls and she's worried. Why she thinks you'll care, you don't know. Probably because you do care. A lot.

Fuck. This sucks. Human affection sucks because it feels like a hole in your heart that you're sinking further into with every beat.

The winter holiday is coming up and you get his new address from Feferi, stuffing your bag with some clothes and a gift for him. A box set of some movie series he liked about wizards. He probably already has it but you were drawing a blank in the store and you don't want to show up empty handed. You're not sure that you should show up at all but you do. He sounds confused over the intercom when you buzz up to his place.

"Let me up fish face. I brought movies."

He doesn't answer you but the buzzer sounds and the front door unlocks. When you get off the elevator he's got his front door wide open and he's looking at you like he can't believe it. He doesn't even try to hug you or anything, just ushers you inside with a flapping of his hands. He gets you settled on the couch but still doesn't touch you like he thinks that will break a spell. You just hand him the box set and his face breaks into a smile and ouch, there goes your heart, like something is squeezing it.

He asks you why you've been ignoring him, why you won't talk to him. Especially about the stuff that Sollux talks to you about. Well, you can't say you weren't expecting this. One deep breath and you start to tell him everything. Absolutely everything. Prefacing it by saying you know it sounds fucking insane but that every word of it is true. He listens to you grim faced and for once his emotions aren't as clear as day in his expression. Well shit, this is the worst thing you could have done. When you get to the part about how winning the game put you all on Earth, you trail off. His eyebrows are furrowed and you're certain he's about to tell you that you're insane. He doesn't.

"So w-what w-was that pact then?"

"It was nothing okay? Just something we decided on in a moment of desperation. None of that matters now that we're not two of the last of twelve of a species." Damnit you sound bitter and you know it. There's a long silence between you and the tension will probably kill you if it doesn't let up soon. It doesn't seem like it's going to though and you're ready to just pack up and leave but then there's an actual weight on your shoulders and you can't move.

Oh. Those are his lips. On your lips.

Fuck yes.

There's probably more you should both be talking about but you spend the rest of the day tangle up on his couch sharing kisses that should have been shared ages ago. It's a relief not to be sent home and you haven't felt this light in, well, ever. This is why humans had these emotions. Because no matter how bad the lows got, no matter how shitty love made you feel, this night was more than worth every moment of it. Maybe something was finally going right in your life. Took long enough.

You're sleeping curled up into him when your phone goes off, an email. Groggy you grab for it and try to make sense of what your screen is displaying. You nearly delete it when you see the email address can't  
seem to display the text characters, but then you see the subject and.. shit, only one asshole called you that. You click into with a trembling finger. There's nothing to the message, just a symbol but you know what that symbol means. It makes your heart lurch and the troll part of you is flustered as fuck. After all, you'd toyed with the idea, but he'd always said he didn't understand or like the quadrants, so you never pursued it. In this human body you can understand now why he didn't.

Eridan murmurs in his sleep behind you and throws an arm around your waist. That makes you smile and you're glad that no one is around to see because you don't want to deal with their teasing.

It's with a heavy sigh that you start typing up a reply.

From: carcinogeneticist@skaiamail.com

Subject: YOU INSUFFERABLE PRICK

Message: STRIDER. WHERE IN THE FUCK HAVE YOU BEEN? CLEARLY OFF HAVING THE TIME OF YOUR FUCKING LIFE WHILE I SPEND YEARS IN A STUPID HUMAN BODY. PLEASE DON'T TELL ME THAT YOU GOT A TROLL BODY BECAUSE I WILL FLIP MY SHIT MONUMENTALLY.

IS EVERYONE THERE? JOHN AND ROSE AND JADE?

You don't expect to get anything back for a while, if you get anything at all but you've only just pulled Eridan back into your arms for some more shut eye when it chimes again. With a groan from both you and your host you reach for your phone again. Eridan sleepily asks you what's going on but you can't answer him because no. You are not going to deal with this right now. Shit. Everything was just starting to go right and now this. He whines when he asks this time, nuzzling into you. You wish you could just enjoy it.

"They've found Sburb and it looks like we're going to have to play it."


	3. Be the Silly Clown

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Your name is Gamzee Makara, and you aren't entirely sure what's happened in the past two decades. Looks like it's time for a trip down memory lane. Or, at least, what you can recall at all. Your memory's still shot to hell.

Your name is Gamzee Makara, and you aren’t entirely sure what’s happened in the past two decades. Looks like it’s time for a trip down memory lane. Or, at least, what you can recall at all. Your memory’s still shot to all hell.

Your earliest memory came as a sort of dream. You were playing some game with.. your friends. You were all grey-skinned, had these really wicked candy-corn colored horns, and you were THIS CLOSE to beating this game. Some virtual reality thing? You were in front of a door. You remember everyone’s faces—full of hope, promise, and excitement. Then everything went white, and it felt like your entire body was on fire and being compressed through some sort of rubber tube. Which, of course, you got the biggest kick out of. But then it’s black, until you find yourself at your next memory.

What the fuck happened?

You found yourself standing in front of a mirror. There’s some lady behind you, and she’s pale as that Dave Strider human; you remember you call her “mom”. You’re also barely tall enough to reach her upper thigh, and you’re amused at just how short you are. Your skin isn’t grey anymore; it’s some sort of tan, a lot like peanut butter. You love peanut butter. And you don’t have those kickass horns. That saddens you; they made you feel cool and powerful. Your hair is still black though, and you could swear that in the right light, it shone with some sort of purple tint. You were lucky enough to retain your violet eye color, . You don’t wear your signature spotted pajama pants anymore, either, or your “symbol” shirt. These new clothes are still soft, though, so you’re okay with that.

A man enters the room. You remember that you called him “dad”, and he reminded you of chocolate. You’d grown fond of the sweets of this new life, you’d admit. He had a goatee, and out of sheer amusement, you started calling him “goat dad”. It reminded you of your lusus, and it made you smile. He was around a lot more than your real goat dad was, and it helped you a lot more as you grew up. But you still retained a lot of your personality traits from the days you were a troll. 

Yeah, you remember you were a troll. You were some highblood, and you had your best friends, and your pies and your Faygo. This life still had pies, and miraculously enough, it had Faygo. But the pies were sweet, and didn’t give you that “high in the sky” feeling that the other pies did.

Your next memory takes you to this weird building. There’s loads of other human wrigglers there (they’re called “kids”, apparently), and you’re taller than most of them. That doesn’t surprise you; you were one of the tallest trolls in the other place, too. You got along with most of them, the others were kinda scared about how friendly you were. But that was where you found Karkat, much to his pleasured dismay. He was still the crankiest kid there, and it was clear he remembered you, and remembered everything that you did. You’d approached him and gave him the biggest hug, actually lifting him off the floor and started on about the miracle that you found him, and how you missed him. You really did; you missed your best bro, and despite his struggling, he returned your hug, muttering something about missing you, too.

It was weird, being a little human kid with all these memories of a previous life. You could talk about them without issue, as if it just happened moments ago. You and Karkat talked a lot about what had happened, and tried figuring it out. But the human part of you two always got distracted by something, so you agreed to keep talking about it until you could figure out what exactly happened.

It took until elementary school to realize what had truly happened. Your group’s failure, and the human kids’ victories both collided, and you and your friends all ended up as humans. But you’ve only found Karkat so far, and Karkat can’t seem to find anyone else. You’re not real fussed about finding the others, you’re more laid back about it all and let the miracle of chance work its magic. The only other one you’re truly worried about finding is Tavros, but you decide not to get too upset about him right now.

Middle school was definitely an interesting time. You’d gotten into your woman-lusus’ makeup out of sheer boredom one day, and found out that you’re really good at replicating the facepaint that you’d donned when you were a troll. She’s clearly amused, and even your human goat-dad gets a laugh out of it. You get permission to wear it at home, since school’s a little more strict, and you make it a frequent thing when you go see Karkat. But he’s really upset about something. He still hasn’t found anyone else, and he’s started talking about how he doesn’t want you to talk about Alternia, or being a troll, or anything else about your previous life. He just wants to forget it all, he doesn’t want to deal with it. You try to understand, but you’re too wrapped up in the enjoyment of this new world to really process what he’s saying. It comes down to him having to constantly remind you to “shut your trap”, and to stop talking about things. One day, he even told you to duct tape your mouth shut, because he was too upset to really hear you speak. In a loyal effort, you’d found some duct tape at his house, and did just that. It made him smile, and that was all that mattered to you at that time.

While there were loads of other humans around, it wasn’t the same as your troll buddies. They were where your memories were, and they were all you wanted. Sure, you’d talked to the occasional person here and there, out of courtesy and whatnot. But you couldn’t help but start to get stressed out as the years went on. The more you talked about Alternia, whether to Karkat or to yourself, you’d started missing everyone more and more. In eighth grade, you’d had a bit of a violent episode in school that got you suspended and required you to go to a psychiatrist for a little bit. Karkat knew you were upset, and kept talking to you even through it, despite your initial thoughts that he’d stop.

When high school came around, that was when EVERYTHING changed. Karkat had put something up online, in some vague reference to Alternia, on an open forum. It said to contact him if anyone remembered. He’d gotten in touch with Terezi through it, and it made him more relieved. Apparently, at Terezi’s school, there were a few other troll-humans, and Karkat kept in touch with Terezi as frequently as possible to get the updates on everyone. You aren’t sure if he talks to the others or not, and you don’t really care because that’s his business and you “respect a motherfucker’s business”. Though, he still updates you on everyone. He had found Sollux later in the school year, but you and Sollux weren’t really too close in the first place, so it’s kind of an acquaintanceship. Not everyone remembers being a troll, either, as was the case with Tavros.

Yes, you’d finally found Tavros. He transferred into your school, and you knew him almost instantly. Even as a human, he still had your flushed affections. But after you’d finally befriended him, you’d found out about his dreams, about his thoughts about Alternia. And it got you excited as ever. You brought him to Karkat, who only showed his “interest” as a human-friend. A few times, he yelled at you for talking to Tavros about Alternia while you three were hanging out together, and of course, you stopped. But it didn’t stop you when you and Tavros were alone.

In your senior year in high school, Eridan and Feferi transferred into your school. You weren’t overly excited, mostly because you’d had all your focus on your new boyfriend. That’s right, you and Tavros became a hot item, and had your own little club going down when it came to Alternia discussions. But never around Karkat. No, no, Karkat must never know. But you noticed something going down with the way Eridan looked at Karkat. You knew that look all too well, given you’d harbored it for Tavros back when you were trolls. But you don’t really talk to anyone, so it doesn’t really matter what you thought. Not that you’d remember it unless something important went down that required that information.

After you’d all graduated (holy fuck, you actually graduated? cool), you’d decided to spend some time relaxing for the summer. Sure, you were gonna go to college. Everyone pretty much wanted to go to the same college, you’d found out, but you didn’t care so long as you, Karkat, and Tavros weren’t separated. But during the summer, you spent a lot of time thinking. You thought about Alternia, about being a troll. You thought about all those stupid quadrants that never really made sense to you in the first place, and how they just seemed to complicate things more than you wanted, or intended. Karkat was still your palebro, and now Tavros – Tavbro, as you started calling him again – was your redbro.

Considering how hard it was for Karkat to adjust to being a human, you had it easy. But you always took things as they came. Becoming a human was literally just another miracle to you, and you enjoyed as much of it as you could. Your guardians humor you when you talk about your dreams of Alternia, and of Prospit, and tell you that you should turn it into a story. But you tell them quite frequently that you’re only interested in the writing of “some seriously dope-ass motherfuckin’ slam poetry”.

Which brings you to where you are now. You’re laying on your bed, something that took quite some time to get used to. When this all first started, you were more interested in sleeping in a full bathtub. At least it simulated a recuperacoon, but it got cold after a while and you always woke up in this rectangular pile of.. bed. It grew as you did, which you found to be so amazing, despite your parents telling you that it was just a different setup. They were pretty laid back, you guess. Kinda like you are. People sometimes referred to them as “hippies”, whatever the fuck those were. Whenever you heard the word, you thought of miniature sides of the human body, the thing they call “hips”. It suited you pretty well.

But college was coming up sooner than you might have liked. It was a dorm setup for you, and you didn’t know where Tavros was going to be rooming. You truly hoped you’d get in the same kind of program, but given yours was for performing arts, you doubted it. At least you could see him when you weren’t too busy.

Your phone goes off. It’s an email from… a site. You don’t remember signing up for anything, or becoming manager of anything, like it said you were. Just another one of those miracles. And being a manager made you feel important, and you grin as you open it. That all-too-cheerful smile turns into something of confusion, and of pain.

Sburb’s being released. And given you’re suddenly this manager, you’re going to get a copy for yourself for free. You take a deep breath and set your phone aside, running your hand over your decorated face. 

“Let the motherfuckin’ games begin.”


	4. Be The One Who Destroys His Own Heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Your name is Dirk Strider and you're not really sure why you always do this to yourself.
> 
> Being a troll was harder than you thought it would be. Especially with the strength of the emotions. Were they ever this bad when you were human? Maybe they were, maybe they weren't; all that matters now is that they take over when they do hit you. It's a struggle to keep your straight face sometimes. Especially around Jake. Before the game ended, you'd accepted everything that had gone down with him, and even taken most of the blame, but it turns out that trolls have something called hate mixed in to their romance and fuck, sometimes you just get so angry at English that you don't know how to handle it. So you cut yourself off, it's more like when you were human anyway. Roxy doesn't like it, neither does Jane. You're not sure how Jake feels, since you aren't speaking with him anymore. Jane is the most vocal about it, probably because its pretty clear you're moirails, even if its an unspoken thing and neither of you have made it official yet.

Your name is Dirk Strider and you're not really sure why you always do this to yourself.  
  
Being a troll was harder than you thought it would be. Especially with the strength of the emotions. Were they ever this bad when you were human? Maybe they were, maybe they weren't; all that matters now is that they take over when they do hit you. It's a struggle to keep your straight face sometimes. Especially around Jake. Before the game ended, you'd accepted everything that had gone down with him, and even taken most of the blame, but it turns out that trolls have something called hate mixed in to their romance and fuck, sometimes you just get so angry at English that you don't know how to handle it. So you cut yourself off, it's more like when you were human anyway. Roxy doesn't like it, neither does Jane. You're not sure how Jake feels, since you aren't speaking with him anymore. Jane is the most vocal about it, probably because its pretty clear you're moirails, even if its an unspoken thing and neither of you have made it official yet.  
  
Troll romance is weird.  
  
At least by now you've mostly managed to put Jake from your mind, except sometimes late into the night before the beginnings of dawn when you find your hands down your pants and your thoughts lingering on the stupid jadeblood, and how good he would look with said blood slipping down his face after a good punch to his nose or mouth. You're fucking embarrassed over those displays.  
  
You spend more and more of your time surfing the internet, especially after you and Roxy figured out how to crack into Earth's internet. You've missed working on your robots and though there is stuff for it here on Alternia, you don't get some of the circuitry and you want to keep up to date with the technology you once knew. You manage to build yourself another pair of robots to throw down some sick beats and rhymes, and you start to feel halfway normal even. Someone on one of the forums who always asks the right questions seems a little familiar, in the way they talk. Especially how they censor themselves. You fire off a private message with a few simple questions and get him talking. He knows a lot about robotics, a lot more than most human teenagers, and it's not long before the two of you are messaging each other every day, not even just about robots anymore either.  
  
It's when he's talking about his best friend that something starts to click in your head. Tentatively, you ask him on his opinion on horses, you're not sure if you want him to hate them or love them. See, you've started to realize that you look forward to seeing his messages in a way that regular trolls might call flushed. He loves horses. Fuck. You go out on a limb and ask him his name just to have it confirmed: Equius. You'd known that the trolls had become human just like how you all became trolls but from what the others have found out from the trolls, Karkat you think, all the trolls that died before the game ended don't really remember anything beyond dreams, so you aren't surprised when he doesn't say anything about your name when you give it.  
  
Why do you do this to yourself? First you fell for a guy in another time who was just trying to make you happy by being with you and now you've gone and fallen for someone who isn't even the same species as you in another universe. Good going Strider, make things more complicated, just see if you can. Shit well, this time you aren't going to mess it up by being too there, or you know, telling him how you feel because you'll just sound like an idiot.  
  
Yet, even though you've given up on love or hate or anything resembling romance you find yourself throwing yourself into the plans Roxy, Jane and Jake are trying to put together for getting the game going. They're also working with the others, the humans turned trolls because they know the former trolls better than you guys do. They're working out who's going to connect to who because the game that Roxy found was the real Sburb, not the hacked version that was used before. You try to stay out of that planning stage because like you care who you're sandwiched between. At least, that's what you want them to think.  
  
They decide its a good idea to send in your paradox family in first, since they have a rapport with the others already, then you guys are going in. Equius is bringing you in and you don't know how to feel about that because it means your second gate will lead to his world, and shit what happens if you get to see him? You're getting tired of wrecking your heart over and over again just because it's a part of your element. Shit, you wanted out of the game so that you had a chance to just be happy for once and it clearly failed.  
  
In preparation for the game you load trollian up on everyone's husktops, then give everyone but Roxy a crash course on how to use the timeline part of the program. You keep forgetting that not everyone needed that to talk to their friends because, like normal people, they stayed within their timeline.  
  
With all the planning you're spending a lot less time on the forum than you used to  but its probably for the better because then you're not torturing yourself with every message. Except one of the late nights you're working on making sure everything is perfect you get pestered by an unfamiliar user.  
  
centaursTesticle started pestering timaeusTestified  
  
CT: D--> Hello  
  
CT: D--> I am aware that this is highly improper  
  
CT: D--> But I obtained your troll handle from Dave  
  
CT: D--> I'm sorry if I %ed any lines  
  
TT: No its okay bro, how can I help you?  
  
CT: D--> You don't come onto the forum much anymore but I suppose you are busy preparing for the game  
  
CT: D--> I hear you are to be my client player  
  
TT: Yeah, as long as you don't mind or whatever.  
  
CT: D--> Of course not  
  
CT: D--> Why did you not tell me sooner  
  
CT: D--> That you were a troll  
  
TT: Because it sounds crazy.  
  
TT: And I didn't want you to think I was crazy.  
  
CT: D--> To be honest I still find the notion 100dicrous  
  
CT: D--> But Dave sent us a picture  
  
CT: D--> To prove that he was not lying  
  
TT: Sounds like Dave, kid loves his selfies.  
  
CT: D--> Yes  
  
CT: D--> Tell me about you  
  
You inform him that it doesn't sound like its a request, like he's ordered you to tell him things but that seems to make him flustered. You shouldn't stall anymore, you'd heard he'd been particularily interested in the caste system and you didn't really want to tell him how low down on it you are, but you do. But at least being brown means you can talk to your hoofbeast lusus and really most creatures. That seems to leave him in awe because he says something about how hoofbeasts are probably as majestic as horses and you agree. You say there's not much else to you, and you dodge questions about your life as a human because you don't want to weird him out by saying you sort of know him, and then have to explain how he was merged with your AutoResponder. You didn't make the mistake of making another of those, he caused too many problems.  
  
CT: D--> So  
  
CT: D--> Since you are my client player your second gate leads to my world  
  
CT: D--> Or so I've been told  
  
CT: D--> And I was thinking  
  
CT: D--> Shoot  
  
CT: D--> Hold on  
  
CT: D--> I need a towel  
  
TT: You alright bro?  
  
CT: D--> Yes I was just  
  
CT: D--> Sweating  
  
CT: D--> Thinking I would wait  
  
CT: D--> Until you've crossed over so that we can  
meet  
  
CT: D--> Face to face  
  
CT: D--> If you want  
  
TT: Sure, sounds cool.  
  
TT: I'll look forward to it.  
  
Damnit. Why do you do this to yourself? Let yourself hope like this? You put yourself in the worst places because you know you're only going to be more crushed when he turns you down. You don't know if you can handle another rejection like that, you're pretty sure it would make you shut down even more. Jane tells you that you're over thinking things, and that she's certain you aren't headed into another disaster like Jake English, but you still aren't sure. Even with all that doubt, you work even harder getting ready for the big day, weaponkind trained and prepped, a glimmer of hope hidden behind your shades.  
  
You even offer to host a meeting where you can all sit down and plan shit out as a group in person. Jane, Roxy and Jake all agree but it takes more convincing for the other four. Probably because there's that weird tension between your paradox families. You don't know what to say to Dave, so you just send him links to cool stuff sometimes, once to some movie called Con Air you found on YouTube because your bro had been obsessed with it for a bit. He just told you that was more Egbert's thing. It's odd to know that he looked up to you the way you looked up to him and how even though you thought you knew one another, you don't really know each other at all.  
  
At least Jane seems to get one well with that John kid, probably since they were raised by a dad who wasn't a part of the clone paradox, they bonded over that or something. Well, John freaked out once, when everyone arrives for the meeting, but only because Jane brought a cake, and apparently that's his rage mode trigger. It's a good thing the other four are apparently all moirails or something because it takes all of them to shooshpap his strong ass down. After that there's not much of a problem other than how you keep staring at Dave from behind your sunglasses, wondering if he's looking at you too, because this is weird.  
  
At least you think that's the only problem until you usher most of your guests out, and take a moment to just talk to Jane about everything. She soothes you and you draw a little diamond on her hand. She just smiles and nods and there, that's out of the way at least. No one has to say anything, you both knew you were moirails long before this moment. You guys just enjoy a moment of of quiet together, talking about the old days, and some of the new before she takes off. Now you've just got the two Lalondes in your hive but they need to get going if they're going to make it to the ocean before the sun comes up. You go to tell them that and wish you hadn't. Well, that explains some of the awkward, anyway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Enzuri again~! What on Earth could the Lalondes have gotten up to? Guess we'll have to wait and see)


	5. Be the STRONG guy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Your name is Equius Zahhak, and it occurred to you a while ago that you’re not all that normal for a human. But that’s okay, because you soon found out that there’s other species in the universe besides yourself.

Your name is Equius Zahhak, and it occurred to you a while ago that you’re not all that normal for a human. But that’s okay, because you soon found out that there’s other species in the universe besides yourself.

Like any other human child, your memory doesn’t really form until you’re about four, when everything started to happen. You grew up right against the Canadian border, and lived contentedly with your parents in a nice house. You remember that you loved to go to the zoo as a child, and you would always spend most of your time wherever the horses were, just looking at them with a fondness. Your parents noticed, of course, and started gifting you various equine figurines. Plastic, at first, since you were a bit of a rowdy child and had a tendency to accidentally break things. The figurines evolved with you, getting more fragile as you got older, and therefore becoming some of your most prized possessions. Along with those figurines, you’d collected posters, and were it not for the fact that you were a tough kid, someone might have thought your room belonged to a little girl with dreams of owning a farm.

Speaking of fragile, you’re anything but. As a kid, you had a tendency to break things way too easily. You always found a way, by accident. Your parents had to childproof the house out of safety of their possessions, rather than your own. You didn’t bruise too easily, but you hit your head a few times and lost some teeth growing up. They came back in as you got older, though, since they were only baby teeth, and you were a lot more careful about all that, afterwards. When you started wearing glasses, it got a bit easier, but you didn’t like how they looked on you. Luckily, you were given a prescription pair of shades to go with them, and have always taken to wearing them, instead. It became something of a trademark, even in your current age. But you can pretty much see fine without them, so it’s habit now.

But while you were in your early childhood, you started getting these dreams. These dreams of purple buildings, of black-shelled beings.. they disturbed you, in a manner most pleasant. You felt like you were at home. But they got more interesting. At some point, you’d started to dream that you were this grey-skinned thing, with these really cool horns. One of them was broken, but you didn’t really care. And you were about sixty times as strong in your dreams than you were in real life. When you’d wake up, you’d be confused, because it felt like it was all too natural, like waking up as a human was some kind of curse. But you got over it.

It was discovered in middle school that you had a knack for robotics. You’d tinker around in the school shop, seeing what you could improve, and what you could craft on your own. By the time you were in high school, you had gotten into building actual robots. Detailed ones, at that; hell, you could make an android if you really wanted to. Of course, you wouldn’t, because that was a waste of time and would serve no purpose. In freshman year, you’d won your fifth robotic competition, and your parents decided that they’d force a congratulatory gift on you. Dragged against your will, you were brought across the border to some lodge in Canada that your parents had wanted to go to for some time. It was alright, you supposed. Nestled within the Canadian Rockies, and the family was nice. But their daughter, Nepeta.. she seemed so familiar to you. You couldn’t place how, or why, but she was. And you knew you wanted to make friends with her. Just as well , because she was all over you like a cat on catnip. It only took a few days for you two to become the best of friends, and you kept in the closest contact.

You found out that she and her family lived on a ranch, which wasn’t actually that far of a drive. So, once a week, you and your parents would go to her place, and you and she would hang out in the field and the barn. The horses always got your love and affection, and she always got a kick out of it. The barn was filled with her cats, and while you thought it a bit childish, it was endearing to a point. You had also started to act as her instructor, her guardian, and overall protector. Of course, she had none of that, and would always prefer (or, as she loved to say, “purrfur”) playing around, but she had her own way of looking out for you, too. She was rather silly, and it helped you level out a lot.

It wasn’t until junior year that you realized that something wasn’t exactly right. Your dreams had returned from childhood, more intense than ever. You’re able to recall more from them when you talk to Nepeta about them, and you found out that she shared similar dreams, and that the grey-skinned creatures you were, were called “trolls”. A few others at your school sort of added you to their group without your realizing it; some girls, by the names of Terezi, Vriska, and Feferi, and a guy named Eridan. You weren’t really close to any of them, but you respected them all. You respect a lot of people, though you talked down to Vriska and Terezi on occasion. When they’d talk back, you’d get flustered and nervous, and start to perspire heavily. That little problem of yours had never actually been a problem until you’d met them, and it inspired you to stock up on all the towels you possibly could, at any given time. But you also remember seeing them in your dreams, as well, along with Nepeta. It’s disconcerting, but you had more important things to worry about.

Before you’d graduated, you’d found out that there was a group of people aside from the four from your school. The “leader” was someone named Karkat, and you can’t help but get really confused as to why that name sounded so goddamned familiar. Whoops, you mean “gosh darned”. Nepeta liked to poke fun at your refusal to curse, and though you’d scold her for her fowl language, she never really listened and continued on her merry way. But she’d told you, one day, that she’d signed up for the same college as you, because she wanted to be closer to her best friend. It made you smile, and you had been looking forward to the whole deal.

Had been.

You just graduated, and there’s been talk. Some pretty STRONG talk, on an online forum, that there was some game going on, and that it would be impacting a lot of peoples’ lives, whether they wanted it to or not. You’d created an account at Nepeta’s insistence, but didn’t do much besides lurk here and there to see what was going on. But there was someone on those forums that you connected with, a little too well for their comfort. But he was so familiar, and you couldn’t help but admire how well he spoke to you. Before you realize it, your computer goes off, and you see you’d gotten a private message from him. He’s asking about some simple things, nothing too big or major. And when he gets you talking about your robotics, you can’t help but get excited that there was a joint interest. It strikes you, once or twice, that you’re been getting too excited about him, borderline crushing. But then you remember that he lived somewhere else, and it wasn’t appropriate. The communication between you two grow more frequent to become a daily messaging deal, and it branches out from robotics and androids and all that technical talk. You laugh at your internal joke.

You start talking about Nepeta, when he asks more about you. It’s almost flattering, that he wants to know so much about you. But then he asks, out of the blue, about your opinion on horses. And of course, that opens up a whole Pandora’s box with you, and it was embarrassing that you can’t seem to stop going on about it. You manage it, though, to save face and prevent any further embarrassment to yourself. Then he asks your name, and after a moment’s hesitation, you give it. You have no reason to be scared of him, and when you ask for a name in return, he gives you “Dirk”. It doesn’t ring a bell, so you’re pretty sure you haven’t met before. That doesn’t stop the growing feeling of familiarity inside you, nor stop the all-too-apparent crush you’ve developed. But you’re easily in control of that, so you’re not too worried about it becoming an issue between you two.

While the conversations between you two seem to dwindle, you try to get more information on this game. You find that you’re going to be included in it, and this Dirk is going to be your client player. You have no clue what that means, so you do a bit more research and find out that this game is a lot more complicated than you had originally thought. Apparently, Dirk will be coming to your “world”, and you refuse to let yourself get excited over it. You’re just friends, after all. If one can consider you two that. But the lack of communication is a little worrysome, and you fear you’ve done something wrong. So you contact this Dave person, asking for Dirk’s “trollhandle”. Along with that, Dave tells you all you’d need to know about this game, and sends a mass-message with a picture of, what you assume to be, himself. You look a little more closely at it, and you see that he looks something like you do, in your dreams. He’s a troll, and he confirms it in his rambling message that seems to go on forever.

You realize he gave you Dirk’s handle before he started going on, and you open up Pesterchum, typing it in. You can feel your heart racing as you start to get nervous again, but this one is the kind of “oh my gosh I’m going to screw up” kind of nerves.

centaursTesticle started pestering timaeusTestified

CT: D--> Hello

CT: D--> I am aware that this is highly improper

CT: D--> But I obtained your troll handle from Dave

CT: D-->I’m sorry if I %ed any lines

TT: No, it’s okay bro, how can I help you?

CT: D--> You don’t come onto the forum much anyomre but I suppose you are busy preparing for the game

CT: D--> I hear you are to be my client player

TT: Yeah, as long as you don’t mind or whatever.

CT: D--> Of course not

CT: D--> Why did you not tell me sooner

CT: D--> That you were a troll

TT: Because it sounds crazy.

TT: And I didn’t want you to think I was crazy.

CT: D--> To be honest I still find the notion 100dicrous

CT: D--> But Dave sent us a picture

CT: D--> To prove he was not lying

TT: Sounds like Dave, kid loves his selfies.

CT: D--> Yes

CT: D--> Tell me about you

Dirk points out that it didn’t come across as a request, like you ordered him to do something. The mere thought about it sends you into some sort of freak panic, and you apologize to an extent. You would have offered him to order you around in return, but that thought threatened you to start perspiring again, so you avoid it. After you calm down, he starts talking about the caste system, something you’d been all too curious about. The concept of being high or low in importance based solely on blood color was something you couldn’t really wrap your head around, and it was the best confusion you’d experienced, aside from your crush on this troll. When he tells you that he’s on the lower end, and how his “lusus” is something called a “hoofbeast” and that he can talk to it, you become utterly speechless. Imagine! Being able to talk to animals, to talk to these things called “hoofbeasts”. It makes you think that they’re something like horses, and it becomes quite exciting for you. You start telling him about how hoofbeasts must be as beautiful and glorious as your horses on Earth, and it gets you smiling at the thought of them. When you ask questions about his life, you notice he’s carefully avoiding them, and you take that as the sign to back off.

CT: D--> So

CT: D--> Since you are my client plater your second gate leads to my world

CT: D--> Or so I’ve been told

CT: D--> And I was thinking

CT: D--> Shoot

CT: D--> Hold on

CT: D--> I need a towel

You realize that all this talking, all these possibilities, got you perspiring quite heavily. You need to dry off as soon as possible. After receiving the lovely embrace of the soft towels you keep beside you at all time, you return to the chat box.

TT: You alright bro?

CT: D--> Yes I was just

CT: D--> Sweating

CT: D-->Thinking I would

CT: D--> Until you’ve %ed over so that we can meet

CT: D--> Face to face

CT: D--> If you want

TT: Sure, sounds cool.

TT: I look forward to it.

The conversation seems to stop there, but you’re okay with that. You leave the chat box open, in case Drik decides to contact you again, and spend the rest of the night getting excited about all of this. You have no clue what to expect at this point, and there wasn’t much left to do than to prepare and make sure that you’re as STRONG as possible in case you need to do any fighting. From what Dave told you, you’re pretty sure that you’re going to be in quite a bind when this all starts. But you get to see Dirk, and that’s really the entirety of your focus at this point.


	6. Be the Smart One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Your name is Rose Lalonde and you'd hoped as a troll the whispers of the horror terrors would finally leave you alone, but you don't get that lucky.
> 
> They're one of the reasons that you and Jade snap at one another so much. One time, when you were only about three sweeps old, you'd said something about how it was nice to not have been the only one who went grimdark. She reminded you in a growl that you turned to the dark ones willingly, where as she was made a slave to it. You hadn't meant to draw out such a heated response but then again, troll emotions were difficult to understand at the best of times. You managed to shoosh her back to a state of quiet, the way you'd seen trolls do in the past on the meteor, but the two of you fight more now than you ever did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Guys please check the tags, I edited them and I want to make sure no one is upset by the chapter contents.
> 
> Enjoy~!
> 
> ~Enzuri~)

Your name is Rose Lalonde and you'd hoped as a troll the whispers of the horror terrors would finally leave you alone, but you don't get that lucky.

They're one of the reasons that you and Jade snap at one another so much. One time, when you were only about three sweeps old, you'd said something about how it was nice to not have been the only one who went grimdark. She reminded you in a growl that you turned to the dark ones willingly, where as she was made a slave to it. You hadn't meant to draw out such a heated response but then again, troll emotions were difficult to understand at the best of times. You managed to shoosh her back to a state of quiet, the way you'd seen trolls do in the past on the meteor, but the two of you fight more now than you ever did.

It's completely platonic in every way, no matter what Dave and John might think. Part of it is just how unpredictable troll emotions are. You admit to yourself only that you're actually glad for that fact, because it proves a challenge when trying to predict how people will respond to things. Trolls don't seem to have therapists, but they probably need them, and you plan on being the first if need be. Mostly because you don't want to put all your special skills to waste. Also because the horrorterrors murmur how it will not come to pass, and you want to fight them on this. You'd never tell Jade, but you sort of wish you never let them take hold of you the way they did, and you're trying to make up for it now.

Something about how they're still there, still so present in the depths of the universe and the darkest corners of the seas, makes you think that you might not have won the game at all. Especially now that Dave has contacted you and shared a message from one of the group of former humans. No, you weren't done by a long shot, and the voices take pleasure in reminding you of that. But maybe, if the game isn't done yet, maybe you'll get to speak to Kanaya again. That is the worst part of being a troll, that hole in the middle of your bloodpusher and a quadrant that refuses to be filled by anyone other than Kanaya. It took you sweeps of searching but when Dave found Karkat, then you knew that she was on another planet and that hurt more than anything.

John asks outright about you and Jade, and you assure him that its not what he thinks, and that the four of you are still moirails. After all, there's someone you hate more than anything.

I'ts not fair to hate her. You know that. But you do, it's something that your rational human soul can't convince your troll instincts to give it up. She hates you too, for the same irrational reasoning. You know she's not really the negligent mother you once had who was never seen without a drink, just as she knows that you aren't really her absentee mother who left her a home filled with liquor and no discipline. You both know that, but still the tension is there. You think it's worse on your end because even though she's not drinking alcohol anymore, she is ingesting sopor slime like a moron. You made a point of reminding everyone when you first found each other not eat or drink the slime, but she didn't listen and it makes you so angry.

She's a higher caste then you, which doesn't change anything, but it does mean that she lives in the water like you. You had the misfortune of running into her once and needless to say that you both agreed to pretend that it never happened and that you should keep it a secret. You've avoided her ever since.

Which is why Dave was the one to send you Sburb. You know he's not as calm as he's pretending to be when you tell him that you have to play the game, that its very existence means that you have to go through all of that again. You tell him you want to be the one to tell John and Jade about this, after all you've been keeping it a secret that the former troll players are still alive and well on earth. You wanted to keep if from them because you've been testing a theory about Jade and you just wanted to be sure that John wouldn't let anything slip by accident before now.

You open trollian and she doesn't wait for you to message you first, asking if today is the day when you're finally going to tell her about Karkat and the rest. Theory confirmed. You ask her if she's been seeing it in the clouds and she doesn't seem her usual chipper self when she says yes. She was thrilled to be dreaming about Prospit once more, but she knew what it meant the moment it happened. She tells you that she'll tell John and that you all better get ready, because this was going to be a huge session. Before she logs off, she sends you one last message, telling you to find a way to get along with Roxy. She won't elaborate.

You try really hard not to troll the fuchsia seadweller and you actually manage pretty well, but then Dirk offers to hold a meeting in his hive so that you can all figure out what you're going to be doing. They already figured out the order of entry and you're surprised to find that Roxy was the one that stood up for you, and said you needed to be either before or after Kanaya. You almost smile at that but then you want to yell because you can stand up for yourself and you don't need her pity. Sometimes you just really don't understand the way your think pan processes things. You hope the meeting will go well.

It does for the most part. There's some awkwardness between the paradox families but everyone seems to get along aside from that. That is, until everyone leaves and Dirk goes off to talk to Jane and it's just you and Roxy on opposite piles, trying not to look at each other.

She goes to say something, you're not sure what because she has a slur; she's always slurring. She was ruining her brain and she didn't care. You stopped drinking because you realized you're just going to have to deal with the whispers and calling of the Old Ones and trust that you're strong enough to stay free of their grasp for now. She doesn't have that excuse. It pisses you off in a way you've never been angry before.

You tell her how remarkably stupid she is for her addiction and she tells you how stuck up and rude you are, and before you know it you're both insulting each other and edging closer. If you're not careful, you'll have a repeat of the last time.

But you're too late to stop it. You both meet in the middle, shutting up the argument with lips and teeth. It's not incest. Not really, because you're not related by blood anymore, trolls don't have that kind of distinction. And you know she's not your mother, she's someone else entirely and you hate her for that.

This goes further than it did the last time because you're both fighting for dominance, pushing and pulling until she's got you trapped under her against a pile; your talons are tearing at her back while you're pulling at her shirt, and all you have is this boiling racing through you, and you can finally understand why the black quadrant is just important to trolls as the red. You're certain she's cut your lip with razor teeth because you can taste the salt of it and it makes you growl, but then there's a sound from somewhere behind you two that makes her stop.

Dirk. Right. Well, then. You're up and straightening your shirt and skirt like nothing happened, nodding a goodbye.

Well. That was something else.

You want to get your mind off of it because you're not sure how much of that tension is from a true hate and how much of it is just frustration because you were finding your path and making your way and then the reset took it all away from you. Even your seer abilities hadn't warned you about that and there are nights you just want to break down. You'd been planning a little life inside your head with your friends and Kanaya and now it was gone. But no, some of the hate is real and pure and tearing at Roxy had given you a wonderful sense of satisfaction.

No. Stop dwelling on it.

With a sigh you pull up trollian to contact Karkat. You ask him for Kanaya's pesterchum handle, if she has one, and he tells you it took you fucking long enough. He was wondering when one of you would crack. Apparently, Kanaya has held off contacting you because she was worried the transfer into a troll's body had made whatever human feelings you had for her disappear. It's nonsense and you tell him that, you're just as flushed for her as ever. He just says for you to save it for Kanaya, that he's not going to do some red version of auspicing. You should have known she wouldn't change her handle.

You stare at the message screen for a long while before you start typing.

tentacleTherapist started trolling grimAuxiliatrix

TT: Hello Kanaya.

TT: How has the human world been treating you?

GA: Rose

GA: It Has Been A Little Difficult To Be Honest

GA: But Conversing With You Had Prepared Me

GA: How Has Alternia Been Faring For You

TT: It was hard at first and I still struggle with the emotional swells sometimes.

TT: I had no idea trolls felt so strongly.

You chat with her and feel an easing in your chest. You'd missed her terribly, her dry wit and her thoughtful conversation. You don't want to do anything but chat with her like this. You feel horrible that you're going to have to put her through the game again. Kanaya is going to be your server player, and you make it a goal to practice with your needle wands every moment you can before the game starts, because this time you won't be destroying your second gate, you'll be racing to it. As the night goes on, the conversation shifts from its awkward beginnings to something more like what you remember.

Still there's a nagging feeling that maybe, just maybe, she doesn't feel the same, and when she tells you that she has to depart because she has school in the morning, you know you've lost your chance. Or at least, that's what you think until one final message pops up in the chat window.

GA: <3

grimAuxiliatrix has ceased pestering tentacleTherapist


	7. Bee the Nutca2e

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Your name is Sollux Captor, and you're kind of the nutcase at your school. Well, not kind of. You are.

Your name is Sollux Captor, and you’re kind of the nutcase at your school. Well, not kind of. You are. Everyone thinks you’re a freak. But that’s okay, because you’ve gotten used to it after the first few years of social life.

You always knew you were a bit off. You had these... these dreams, and they were so vivid, you could swear they were actually memories. Being on some planet and you had horns, and you could move things with your mind. It was really cool. You feel like your dreams are always a part of you, even when you’re awake. You’re always thinking about them. Most of the time, you’re pretty good with making sure that no one knows you’re off daydreaming about what once was, and what could have been. Oh, yes, you know some of those dreams are memories. You’re damn sure of it, because dreams don’t carry that kind of pain, the kind of suffering that you wake up feeling as if your head was splitting in two down the seam of your skull. 

These memories and dreams tended to be a key thing in your life. From elementary school onwards, you were convinced you could still move things with your mind. You tried, on occasion, but found no luck. Your parents were scared, worried, that you were going to do something stupid. You had your first, actual freak out when your parents bought honey. You went on about how you aren’t supposed to eat honey, because it did something to your head and you just know you aren’t supposed to eat it. So they tried putting you on some sort of medication, but you refused to take it, and insisted that you were fine. You stopped talking to them about your dreams, and started your internalization. It made you a bit of an ass, but you feel like that was what you were in your dreams, anyway, so it makes no significant difference to you. 

When you entered high school, you thought you’d go insane. So many faces looked familiar, and yet, you knew none of them. You befriended someone named Karkat, and that day, you had to leave school early because you thought you’d have an aneurism because of how many memories suddenly flooded your mind. You returned the next day, and found out that he and someone named Gamzee were friends, and you can’t help but think those names are too familiar. The faces are just as bad, and you know for a fact you’ve seen them in your dreams, and you know them from your memories. The frequency has gotten worse, since you’ve met Karkat and his group of “cronies”, as you like to call them. They enjoy your lisp on occasion and tease the fuck out of you for it, and you’d threaten to turn them inside out with your powers, but you know that you aren’t that strong yet. Especially not on Earth. So you just flip them off and keep to your laptop. You always have your laptop; you found out you’re still really, really good at hacking and programming, and spend almost all your time doing that now, especially since you don’t have anything better to do when you’re at home. Well, aside from doing your usual daydreaming that you don’t dare to do during school anymore. One day, though, you did go insane. You snapped, you yelled, you started destroying.. a lot. No one had ever seen you so messed up, and as a freshman in high school, it sort of solidified your role as the freak of the school.

Along with that shitface juggalo clown and the kid with the issues forming a complete thought (you know his name is Tavros, but you take to calling him “bullboy” in your head), there were two more kids you saw at your school that pretty much confirmed your theories that you weren’t having these dreams and memories for just any reason. Eridan and Feferi transferred into your school during your senior year, and you had the best fun with that. Eridan was automatically on your shitlist, and you didn’t fully understand why, but you knew you wanted to hate him in the most confusing way possible. You tormented him a lot during high school, saying how much you hated him, insulting him every which way and that. He seemed receptive, since he returned it instantly. But you also had the hots for his stepsister, Feferi, and you and she snuck around behind his back throughout the year, enjoying every minute of the beautiful romance.

When you graduated, there was a party, and you and Feferi had split up beforehand, so you weren’t entirely thrilled about life at that point. The frequency of your dreams was at an all time high, especially at this gathering of friends that you know you knew, even though you didn’t know them. It was horrible, and all you could think about was.. Eridan. Why Eridan? He was in front of you most of the time, talking to you about this bullshit nonsense that you couldn’t give two fucks about. Before you really realized it, you and he were violently sucking face and finding yourself in a bedroom. That night, you and he made the most noise you’d ever thought you could ever make, and you were sure KK – as you so fondly called Karkat – could hear. You didn’t want to upset him, but your passionate dislike of Eridan was too strong to fight that night. Afterwards, while you and he calmed down, you started talking to him about your dreams and memories.

You told the quivering pile of fish puns about your images of Alternia in your head, how you know you used to be able to control things with your mind. He only listens, with one of the most somber expressions you’ve ever seen him wear. You told him about a specific dream, where there’s a bunch of you in a group, and Karkat’s talking. You’d made some pact with him, about something you didn’t really remember, but you know it was important. Eridan didn’t respond to it, and just let you go on about this nonsense. You’re pretty sure he thinks you’re insane, just like everyone else, and you don’t care at this point. You told him, and the fact he didn’t laugh, the fact he didn’t dismiss anything, makes you think he knows a little bit about what you’re talking about.

After that party, you pretty much went into isolation, hacking and programming your summer away until you got into college. It wasn’t an extravagant college, but it had what you wanted as far as programs, and you find out that Karkat applied to the same program as you did as far as technology. You say there’s no real need, since he has next to no skill, but he’s hell bent on getting that degree, and convinced he’s some big hotshot. You know he isn’t, but let him think whatever he damn well pleases, because there’s no reason to really try to prove to him otherwise. He’s more stubborn than a jackass at times, but it’s alright with you, because he’s still your friend.

You room just off campus in your own place, and Karkat moves in with you. It’s a nice kind of thing, you decide, because he’s not that bad anymore with his grumpiness. The memories still come strong, but you’re learning to ignore them as they form, because you have more important things to do. You have things to study for, things to program. You have a tendency to check Karkat’s homework because face it, he’s really bad at this kind of thing, but it’s not as bad as you thought. Maybe he’s been looking things up, but you don’t really try to figure it out at this point. He’s pretty self sufficient, and splitting a place with him isn’t as bad as you thought it would be.

When the holidays come around, you decide you’re going to spend a few days with your parents to chill out. Karkat’s off to Eridan’s for a bit, god knows why. You’re not really jealous of him, you almost pity him that he voluntarily spends time with such a whiny piece of shit. But you decide not to think about that, and focus on the task at hand, which is making sure your parents think you’re nice and steady. They believe you, but you can’t help but feel something’s going to happen soon that’ll totally ruin the façade you had going on.

You get back home and find out that there’s a buzz on some online forum that you really hadn’t paid much attention to. Karkat hadn’t said anything about it, which is surprising to you since you find out he’s the goddamned manager of the whole thing. You almost feel jilted that he didn’t include you, but when he stopped listening to your dreams and memories, and then proceeded to ignore you after your stint with Eridan, you realize you probably deserved it.

The forum is talking about some stupid game, and you lose interest in it quite quickly. Or so you think. After you read a bit more into it, your head starts to hurt. The memories are becoming clearer, and you know, now, that the dreams aren’t dreams. They’re ALL memories, and you aren’t sure you can handle that much. There’s so much death, so much pain, and you start to panic. You knew something was different, you knew something was going to happen, and that goddamned game is proof. The game from your dreams; it’s back, and you know you have to do something with it. You don’t know if you can handle that, either, to risk everything just for nothing, for another reset like the one that got you here. You don’t want to do it. But you know you have to, since that’s all they’re talking about on that stupid forum.

You don’t approach Karkat about it after you finally calm down, and when he asks about what you were starting to worry about, you say you were getting pissed off at some counter-hacker that was stopping your every move. He buys it and leaves the topic alone, but you know he’s keeping a closer eye on you. A few days later, your phone goes off, and you sigh. It’s Eridan, and you forgot you exchanged numbers. Of course, now, of all times, he decides to want to meet up with you. Just you, though, and the thought sends a shiver down your spine. You’re pretty sure he and Karkat have something going on, but that isn’t your business.

When you meet up, he has that same expression on his face as he did when you told him about your dreams and shit. You aren’t too pleased, and keep to your asshole ways of short, bitter conversation.

“So, Sol, I guess you’re wondering why I asked you to join me.” That stupid wavering of his words sends a pang of disgust down your spine like it did back at the party. You had mostly forgotten about that, but now you remember those confusing feelings that only made sense in your dreams, and you have to keep from punching him in that stupid mouth of his.

“Yeah. I want to know what’s so goddamned important that you had to pull me away from my hacking. I was on the trail of someone that was giving others some shit, and now here we are. What do you want, E.D.?” You try so hard to keep your lisp under control, but it barely works, especially when you’re frustrated to all hell.

He isn’t fazed by your aggression, and keeps that stoic look on his face. He almost looks excited, but with a hint of regret. “Karkat’s been in contact with.. some people,” he says carefully. “And they found a game.”

“Don’t continue.”

“But Sol, we—“

“I already know.” Your words are as somber as he feels, and you lock eyes with him. You both know what needs to be done at this point, and all there is left is to prepare for the massive onslaught of what your dreams and nightmares all consisted of. You really aren’t looking forward to this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ( Homoso speaking. Sorry for the sudden break in posting, but here's another intro chapter. Hope you enjoy. )


	8. Be the One Who Never Grows Up

Your name is Tavros Nitram, and you're not sure if you are in a dream or a nightmare.

Growing up, you've always had these really strange dreams. In them, you're from another planet or something, with grey skin and candy coloured bull horns on the sides of your head. Sometimes you're on this dark planet with two moons, other times in this golden city, or in a land full of sand. You think these dreams are part of the reason you love fantasy so much.

You weren't very old when the car accident happened, leaving you in a wheelchair, which they thought would be permanent. You come to love the dreams of the gold city because not only can you still walk in them, you can fly. It's a freeing feeling, especially since your loss of your legs has transferred into most of your other dreams. At least they aren't a lost cause entirely, you start working with a physiotherapist to try and get them to at least support you for walking. You're never going to be a major league athlete, but just to be able to walk would be a miracle.

Miracle. You have a soft spot for that word and you're not sure why.

You have a serious love for fantasy, and your favourite stories have always been about Peter Pan and Neverland, though when you were really small your mother claims that you would call him Pupa Pan. She was never able to figure out why but sometimes she calls you that affectionately and it makes you laugh. You wish you were Peter Pan though, with a pinch of fairy dust to take you out of this chair and let you fly. You don't need legs to fly.

It's those day dreams and fantasies that get you hooked on text based role playing, writing stories with original characters on a few separate forums. You make a couple of really good friends that way, and a few less nice friends. Nepeta lives in a different country, which is too bad, and you really don't like Vriska sometimes. She's just so pushy and always has horrible things happen to your characters. Sometimes you worry what would happen if you met her, because you aren't sure if it's you she dislikes or just your characters. You don't want to know.

When high school comes around, you transfer a few states over, because there's an amazing physiotherapist that has reviewed your case and is willing to offer such a good deal on taking you on that your family can't say no. You're not overly upset, and all your friends are internet ones now, anyway, so all you're leaving behind are memories and most of those aren't great ones. You've got your books, your stories, and your family. Plus, you have Rufio, but you don't tell anyone that he's just the little voice in your head who cheers you up when you're down. 

You start at a new high school and shit, suddenly the dreams are worse because there are faces that you've never seen before but are familiar. Pieces from a dream in a world you'd never seen before, and yet here they were in front of you. They're your age and just as human but you still can see the grey and horns when you let your gaze blur when you stare at them. 

The most familiar of the faces is a boy called Gamzee, and you're not sure how you feel about him. Not at first. He makes your heart stop and squeeze and you know that he's dangerous, because in your dreams he's dangerous, but you can't help but stare at his smile. After school he paints one on but even without the face paint his smile is wide and genuine. You want to lose yourself in that smile but you don't know why and that terrifies you, so you avoid him at first, try to pretend that he's not the first and foremost thing on your mind when you sit behind him in class. It doesn't work because you get partnered up on an assignment together. Which means he gives you his number and you give him yours.

There's a fair going on outside of town, and you end up inviting him because something about him reminds you of carnivals. He doesn't seem to mind that you can't do most of the things everyone else can, he has a blast with you taking in the animals. You're used to people getting bored doing this but he never once stops smiling. You wonder when it was you fell in love with this Gamzee, rather than the Gamzee from your dreams.

There's fireworks and he takes you out to the outskirts of the fair to a picnic table, where you both lay down and watch the explosions of colours. He calls them miracles and you have to agree. You share your first kiss out there, laying uncomfortably on a picnic table. You don't notice anything but how gentle his lips are and how sweet they taste. When you get home you realize you have more than one splinter but it was so worth it you don't even care.

He asks you out and you agree and for once you feel like a real person, not just some charity case in a chair. He's the first person outside your family that you tell about your legs and how you're working on walking and he cheers every time he comes over and sees you teetering about unsteady but he never makes the assumption that you can't do it. You find yourself needing Rufio's voice less and less, but that's okay because you have your own personal Tinkerbell with his own brand of pixie dust. Every stolen kiss makes you feel like you're flying.

But the dreams just keep getting worse. The more you see Gamzee the worse they get, and you're starting to like them less and less because they terrify you. Dreams of your legs being cut off and angry monsters and a girl who makes you jump from a height that you shouldn't. She's the worst part of your dreams because more than once you dream that she kills you. That she's a fairy and she takes a lance, and lets you die because you failed her. But then there are still glimmers of good things, of rap offs and a creature named Tinkerbull. The problem with the dreams now is that every so often your new boyfriend will say something that reminds you of your dreams, like he knows exactly what you see in the night. That's impossible isn't it? They're just dreams.

At some point, you get the courage to ask how it is that he knows your dreams almost as well as you do, and you're hit with a shocking truth. If it had come from Karkat or anyone else you wouldn't have believed them, would have accused them of pulling your leg, but from Gamzee it sounds like pure truth. That this wasn't your first life. He only tells you a little at a time, apparently he promised Karkat he wouldn't talk about it at all but since you up and asked he wasn't going to deny you answers. Still, that little bit somehow makes everything in your dreams more vivid. You're not sure if you really believe him, it sounds all too fantastical, really, but you agree all the same and let yourself get lost in the magic of it.

High school ends and when everyone is getting ready for college, you are getting ready for some of the most intense physio sessions of your life. You decided to wait a year before going to the next stage of schooling, you want to be able to walk into class rather than roll in. It's painful, and there is more than one day when you wished you picked school first, but it's worth it to be able to move around your house without the aid of wheels or walls.

It's after one particularily bad session that's left you in near tears that Gamzee comes over. He lays down next to you and just holds you while you sob for a bit. He never tells you not to cry and it's his tender hands that remind you that this will be worth it. Only today you realize the only smile he's wearing is painted on. You've never seen his eyes so sober and you're almost afraid to ask him what's wrong because what if you're what's upset him? Maybe now that he was at college wanted someone else who was expanding their brain through learning. Your worry is unnecessary because that's not what has him so down.

"They found that motherfucking game. Karkat says we gotta play again but that don't sit right with me. See, I love Earth, it's motherfucking bitchtits awesome and it was a miracle that got us here." He's not looking at you, he's looking past you at something you can't remember. "Fuck. I don't wanna put you in danger, Tavbro, but if you don't get your game on, too, then fuck, the meteors will get you. There ain't no other way."

You agree to play the game, even though you're pretty sure you're going to be useless at it. Besides you get proof the next day that everything Gamzee's told you is real when an email from a garbled sender pops up with a picture attachment. He claims to be a troll and with that grey skin and those candy coloured horns you believe him. He looks pretty cool and you send an email back, curious about him and the friends he spoke of. It turns out he's into raps and when you ask him for a rhyme off he is more than willing to oblige. You regret that decision when you realize he's much better than you but when you try to back out he doesn't want to let you. You eventually block him but you're still feeling overwhelmed and not certain if you want to ever speak to him again, at least not until you're sure you can drop some sick fires on his ass.

When you bring it up to Gamzee, he just mutters under his breath about how "a motherfucker sure knew how to bring the spades down", but you're not sure what that means so you don't ask. He follows it up with a kiss so you quickly forget the unease you might have felt. You don't remember to tell him how you dreamt of the golden city again only this time you were in your own body.

When the day comes for the game to start, Gamzee reminds you again that when you get into the game, not to go through the second gate until he finds you. You agree. Everything seems to go smoothly enough, more than half of the players have played before and remembered it. Almost half of the players are trolls, you have one called Jane bringing you in and she seems nice enough, but you know that you and Gamzee would have rather been helping each other. You don't really complain though.

Then it's your turn to get into the game, and when the light dims you're not sure if you're awake or dreaming, dead or alive. It's the Land of Sand and Zephyrs.


	9. Be The Whiny Seadouche

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Your name is Eridan Ampora and no one understands you.
> 
> Ever since you were a little kid you had these really strange dreams of endless nights and a world too bright for anyone's eyes and devoid of any colour. In these dreams you're a creature of myth, a troll and a prince to boot. You hate waking up. Waking up always means returning to a world that is dull and dark in comparison, that doesn't understand how important you really are.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enzuri here~! I hope you like Eridan, this is the last of the introductions~! :D

Your name is Eridan Ampora and no one understands you.

Ever since you were a little kid you had these really strange dreams of endless nights and a world too bright for anyone's eyes and devoid of any colour. In these dreams you're a creature of myth, a troll and a prince to boot. You hate waking up. Waking up always means returning to a world that is dull and dark in comparison, that doesn't understand how important you really are.

Sometimes you see faces that so strongly resemble those in your dreams that you wonder if maybe you've got some sort of divination ability that lets you see the future through your dreams. Except that most of the time there's no real pattern to when they show up verses your dreams and you end up deciding that, that is not the case. Besides, after you encounter one of those faces is usually when the dreams get worse, more vivid, more frequent. You figure that out when you start seeing them in school and then when your father remarries your step sister's face is so familiar you aren't sure how to handle it. She seems just as uncomfortable with it as you.

Things get worse and better all at once when you transfer high schools because you make a friend, Karkat, and there's something about him that gets your heart racing every time you see him. They get worse because there's someone here, Sollux, who you can't decide if you're in love with or if you hate him. You mean, obviously you hate him, every time he opens his mouth and his stupid lisp starts up you want to punch him but you also want to kiss his face in every way possible and then bite him and fuck, all those thoughts swirling around your head just make everything confusing.You see him flirt with your step sister a lot and you decide that's probably what about him that makes you so upset.

Then there's a party and you're not quite sure how you ended up in his room but it doesn't really matter because the stinging bites and blossoming bruises feel fucking amazing and yes this is something you want in the worst way.

Come morning you find out something you would have never guessed, that you're not the only one who's had those dreams. That the faces you find so familiar have shared in something similar. You don't know if you're happy to find out you're not alone or if you're upset to find out that you aren't special in that regard. When he tells you there's only eleven others that should share in the dreams that he keeps calling memories you feel a little better. You aren't sure if you believe him when he calls them memories but when he tells you that Karkat and Gamzee remember everything perfectly you feel a little hurt that nothing was ever said to you before now.

Sollux still hates you, he makes that clear every time he talks to you, not that he talks to you that much but from what information you've managed to weasel out of him that hate isn't a bad thing. It's really just more of a confirmation of what you've felt for him the moment you met him.

The problem now is that the dreams are coming faster and thicker and you are reminded of a pact you once made with Karkat but you don't know what it was for. You try to approach the subject with him a few times but he starts ignoring you and eventually you give up, realizing that now that high school is over he probably doesn't want to be your friend anymore especially when you keep pushing him like that. Plus there's a chance that Feferi's told him why you got kicked out of the house and you wouldn't blame him at all if that was why he doesn't want to talk to you.

You live in the shittiest neighbourhood ever now and you're pretty sure you're going to go crazy because no one ever wants to talk to you. Feferi, who was always your closest friend has shut you out entirely now and the only people that will still occasionally lend you an ear are online. Not that you'd ever begrudge them that, Kanaya is more patient with you than anyone's ever been and she listens to you no matter what it is that you're whining about. Except, you briefly mention the dreams to her only to find out that she's had them too only they're not dreams for her. They're reality.

You get angry and don't talk to her for a few days before you ask why she never said anything. She claims its too painful because there's someone she loves more than anything who she can't find here on Earth. Asking her about things seems to have opened the floodgates because Kanaya shows you more of herself than you've ever seen before. At some point she sends you a message ended with a diamond and though you don't know what that means exactly it makes your heart thump anyway because you know its important. It feels like you have a real true friend in her even if you've never met face to face.

Even with Kanaya online you struggle with this feeling of a void in the pit of you. It just gets bigger and bigger. You're seriously contemplating the meaning and worth of your life when you phone rings and it's Karkat demanding to be buzzed up. You're over eager, waiting for him, but you don't care. He's here, even if you don't know why. You really don't want to question it when you spend most of the day kissing and finding out the truth of things from his lips. You're pretty sure nothing could be better than today, except for maybe the day following when you wake up to him in your bed.

You thought it was going to be the turn of luck your life needed. Except, Karkat got some email that told him the game was a thing that needed to get played and just as fast as he'd blown into your life romantically it seems he's gone. You don't really know because every time you try to talk to him about what happened between the two of you he just goes on about the game. Fuck. Of course it meant nothing to him, you nothing to everyone. You're pretty sure no one would notice if you just disappeared. You consider it but you promised to be a part of the game and as pathetic as it is you don't want to upset Karkat, even if he's forgotten all about you.

You're not sure if its a good or bad thing when my you find out Sollux is the one coming around to make sure the game is installed properly before you have to log in and play. He spends the first ten minutes just insulting your shitty apartment, and the five following insulting your computer. He fiddles with it a bit to make it run better then starts the game's install. When it's clear it's going to take a while he goes back to insulting you and that somehow leads to a repeat of the party. God damned there's something so fucking amazing about each claw and bruise he leaves on you and you on him. He traces little spades along your back as you both drift off into sleep. It's soothing.

He's gone the next morning, in a whirlwind of insults and jabs and you're okay knowing that whatever it is the two of you share is a sometimes thing. It distracts you from Karkat for a bit but your mind shifts back to him without permission. You need to just focus on the game, it's supposed to start soon.

Kanaya is nervous because she's bringing in Rose, her matesprit from before the reset. She's not sure where they stand and you assure her that everything is going to be fine, after all she never once stopped loving the once human, now troll girl. You wonder what its like, to have a love that lasts through all the years even when there was no certainty the other half was still alive. You try not to think about how it still feels like your past life has a hold on your heart as it squeezing in your chest when Kanaya enquires after Karkat.

"It's hard Kan, it's hard bein' a human. It's hard and no one understands."

You get into the game and suddenly Karkat, who hasn't really been avoiding you but he has been too busy, is all over you. Asking if you're doing alright, if you're handling the game okay. You tell him you are 'fuckin' fintastic' which makes him groan at you but it's the truth. The Land of Wrath and Angels. It's the place from your dreams and here you are a prince, you are the fucking centre of everything on your own personal planet. 

You tell Karkat that and he tells you not to kill the angels that inhabit your planet. You hadn't really thought about it beyond aiming your crosshairs at one once but you didn't pull the trigger but now that he's denying you of it you want to kill them all. Take one down for every time you've felt almost empty inside. He curses at you and tells you to stand the fuck down. You tell him to make you. He tells you to shut the fuck up and not do anything until he gets there. You actually start at that, you didn't think he was actually going to do anything about it.

He swears a lot when he passes through the gate to your world, it's fucking brighter than anything and you're glad you made a pair of sunglasses for him in advance. He grumbles his thank you and shoos you into one of the great cathedrals that spot the planet's surface. There's a hushed silence in the monochrome building and both of you feel weird sitting in the pews so you slump down next to a wall, stealing pillows to make yourselves comfortable. Karkat looks at them before he sits, something unreadable in his face. When you question him he just says that he was glad to see something familiar like a pile. You don't quite understand but you're glad to see him smile.

Eventually the silence gets awkward and he asks you what your problem is and why you're not all over him like he'd expected you to be. You mention that you figured he'd gone back on his decision with you, since he's been so quiet and unwilling to talk about it. He curses again but this time he's aiming it at himself, he hadn't realized he'd been such an ass about things while preparing for the game. He says something about how he hates his past self and you disagree because it's his past self that you got to spend that amazing day with and he decides his present self needs to make up for it. 

His mouth is on yours and you forget about everything else. There is no imps, no angels, no world just for you. All there is, is Karkat and his heat against you. You let yourself melt away into the brightness that he brings and for the next while, there's nothing else but the pounding of your hearts.


End file.
